Tuesday, September 6, 2011

3 Short Paragraphs: Cowboys vs Aliens

2011, Jon Favreau (Iron Man dude) -- cinema

Its weird, but I am not sure what to say about this movie.  It's what I call a popcorn movie, in where you can be full up on expectation and spectacle, but *BURP* -- it's all gone.  It's not that it is a bad movie but that it doesn't leave you thinking much after the movie is done.  I guess all I can say for any movie that falls into this trap for me, is that they should try harder to be one thing or another -- try for a definitive style and ambiance OR just go for the cheese factor.  Don't try and be so middle of the road attractive to all audiences because you chance not being all that attractive to any.

So, you have cowboys -- Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig and Sam Rockwell; and a cowgirl -- Olivia Wilde!  And we have aliens; grey slimey bug-lizard warrior aliens with no clothes on.  Do any intelligent species wear clothes besides us?  And we have aliens in the old west, no not Battle Deadwood but more nasty corporate mining aliens who see us as just another animal life-form to be utilized while panhandling for gold.  Aliens attack an old west town, kidnapping and probably probing and doing some bug-zapper experiments on us. But they pick on the wrong cowboy and he starts blowing the shite out of them with his laser-Pip-Boy.  And the aliens lose the ROI as the cowfolk fight back, along side Daniel and Harrison, and run away to the stars.  Kinda.

That's it.  Zap zap, pow pow, BOOM.  No commitment to much anything else.  The cowboys are Saturday morning western cowboys and the aliens are just there to be ugly and gross.  Not even the sexy cowgirl in the thinnest old-west dress I have ever seen commits to her sexy character.  You might get distracted by her skin-tight dress and expect (SPOILER!) just a little more from her as she walks naked from the bonfire but no, there is convenient PG-13 lighting.  Insert joke about her possibly popping my corn.